Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Airplanes and Rude People

I'm back from vising my parents. Got home yesterday. The plane rides there were pleasant. I very much enjoy Frontier airlines and their slightly comfier seats made of leather. The plane rides back, however? Completely different story.

I always get an aisle seat. Being short and having claustrophobia problems (mostly with my feet--I have very claustrophobic feet) I can't sit in the middle or next to the window because there's no easy escape from those two seats. And in the middle, being short with two taller people on either side of me crowding me--not a good combination for me. On my first flight I was sitting next to a lady (who was in the middle seat) and her husband was across the aisle from me, in an aisle seat. So I offered to trade with him so they could sit together because hey, I'd still get an aisle seat and I don't care where that aisle seat is as long as it's an aisle seat. I pay extra for the privilege of selecting my aisle seat more than 24 hours before the flight takes off. That is how essential an aisle seat is to my well-being.

So I'm sitting there reading my book and someone comes up and says I'm in their seat.

What?! The man I traded with was just sitting in that seat because he wanted to! And his REAL seat? Was in the middle of the row in front of where I was originally sitting. Who the hell trades seats with someone when they know they are sitting in a seat that isn't theirs?! And then doesn't even feel bad about it and offer to take their original crappy seat between two tall people who won't let me put down the armrests because their legs are too freaking tall?! Portland hippies, that's who! I hate Portland hippies with beards and greasy hair. And because I'm too nice (never again--I am taking a vow of meanness) I just took the middle seat. And proceeded to panic and get hot and sweaty and it was hard to breath and I had to take my shoes off because my feet were making me want to claw my way out of that airplane--luckily, I had packed my spa sandals for just such a foot claustrophobia disaster. So the whole plane ride I just listened to Britney Spears' Womanizer over and over again (because it reminds me of Gossip Girl which is a weekly hour of escape from Provo, UT for me and it reminds me of Chuck Bass who I have a weird crush on so I thought maybe it would take me back--in my mind--to NYC), kept my eyes closed, and tried to breathe.

Did. Not. Help.

So I tried reading Bright Lights, Big Ass by Jen Lancaster (because it felt like a situation that called for some funny) while listening to Britney Spears' Womanizer.

Did. Not. HELP!

Know what else didn't help? The stupid Portland couple behind me kept saying, "Brighter. Brighter. Brighter. Brightest. Darker. Darker. Darker. Darkest. Brighter. Brighter..." And it was loud enough that even my music couldn't drown it out! I don't know what the hell they were doing with their child to keep him entertained, BUT FIND A NEW ENTERTAINMENT!! Two full hours of "Brighter. Brighter. Darker. Darker." in a monotone voice followed by CLAPPING (!!!!) makes people want to kick you in the face.

Two agonizing hours later I get to Denver and head to my next plane taking comfort in the fact that I have an aisle seat and I'm not going to Portland with those people and I will never be nice to anyone ever again and how liberating that knowledge/vow is.

So I take my seat and someone pulls out some Greek food right behind me! WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE?! Could you have picked a smellier food to bring into an enclosed space?! And so, because I already have claustrophobia after-effects, my motion sickness decides to kick in despite the overdose of Dramamine that I took before getting on the plane. And they don't have cans of ginger ale on the plane, so everyone gets a can of their chosen soda but me!! I only have 1/2 cup of ginger ale and four massive ice cubes to help settle my stomach. And the stewardess was kind of scary so every chance I got to ask for at least some more ice cubes to chew on, I GOT SHUSHED!!! So I just had to hold my cup over my nose so all I could smell was ginger ale--which, surprisingly, is as helpful to a sick stomach as the actual intake of anything ginger, but that is not the point here.

I hate Portland hippies, stewardesses, and people who can't wait FIFTY-FIVE MINUTES to get home and eat some food where the smells won't make other people throw up! It was a FIFTY-FIVE MINUTE flight!! Have a package of peanuts and WAIT, jackass!

Disclaimer: I don't hate Portland or its people. Just these people.

On a brighter note, our stores are up and running again and my studio is finished (my husband finished it for me while I was out of town) so I'll be painting a lot more and there will be new stuff up. Yay!


Joni said...

ewww that sounded aweful. i used to love flying but hate it now, just feel like they are herding cattle and being squished into a sardine can. Glad your home safe and sound :)

Lauren said...

Flying... what a hassle. People forget that you are in an enclosed space. I also liked flying when I was younger, but I agree with Joni. I hate it now and avoid it.

Laura said...

OMG I hate flying. All those strange people breathing the same air as you with no escape. I feel your pain.

Bianca (Fighter of the Night Man) said...

Ugh people are so awful!!! I used to love flying too! Now it actually makes me crazy! I've had so many delayed/canceled flights in the last few years for NO REASON and then NO HELP from the airlines to make it better. Then all the restrictions, so there's pretty much no way I'll ever be able to carry on my luggage again. And then the people. Oh the people. I just got back from Barcelona, but knocked myself out with tylenol pm so I wouldn't have to deal!!! It kills me because I LOVE traveling. Sorry you had such a horrible experience. It seems to be the norm these days!

Creative Coquette said...

OMG! What horrid people! I am so glad you 'survived'. Sheesh, if I ever think of switching seats with anyone I am going to think of this and ask to see their seat assignment first, good grief, what the bloody hell??

This is why I do NyQuil liquid gels :(

Glad you are back safe.